126 minutes of disappointment...

Things are getting sticky these days. I mean life has slowly metamorphosed to a sandwich. Can not grill it too much, neither can gulp it as such.

It is not even a hunky-dory; it is a stark loose-loose situation.

It was again that after a dozen of bootless hours I went on to put RAAVAN (the movie) on roll. I am not a 75 mm guy and hence have no problem with any number of “Thok de killi” sort of rag and nettles.

Ctrl key you know; I love that.

I have high regards for Mani Ratnam and Gulzar. I was also having lot of hopes from Rensil to repeat another Rang De Basanti after killing us by LUCK. Did anyone see that?

If you ever get a feeling to kill someone brutally please drop a DVD of LUCK in to his/her belongings. Even Samba is not as poisonous as the after affects LUCK will leave.

Anyway, let us keep the past perils aside and come to Raavan, the epic…. Acclaimed.

The film starts with a stone falling from a hilltop which is exactly 4 times the height junior Bachchan has.

Junior AB chased the same but the stone outsmarted him….and did so in the whole movie. Had I known that, I’d have not continued.

Now, with no prejudice and bias I was watching the movie because internally I am OK with Abhishek. He is good if not as good as SRK.

The movie starts from nowhere (most of such storylines starts from same or similar place) but unfortunately end nowhere as well….aaraghghhh

Beera (played by AB) is a messiah or a devil (only Mani knows) in a jungle; A rain forest.

He did absolutely nothing to display that he is a Ravan, I mean the 10 heads and stuff. A very local tribal rouge he looks and plays. Killing a dozen cops bare handed is easier that erasing a pencil written 420 from the collar of your friend’s shirt. Haven’t bollywood movies taught this for years and decades?

What was Ravan like in that? Grover has done this for number of times he has yawned.

Poor stuff Mr. Mani!!!

I am utmost disappointed.

Now coming to the art/acting part.

Why the hell these bollywood people think that acting means making faces, kidnapping girls (for girls it is asking their right to work), living in and saying “bakbakbakbakbak” … ehhh ugly, extremely ugly that is.

AB you were real good, rather wow (as Saif would have said) in Dostana or for that matter in DELHI-6..Masakkali

But this was sheer disappointment… I wont see next two movies of your. That is an intense promise.

(Aish)warya playing Ragini or whatever. I must be pardoned for missing her name as she is the one and only. Ever graceful and gorgeous, she has taken her weak role sort of successfully.

Anyone seen Aparichit/Aparichitadu?

Anyone? Any hands up?

No one…??

Do not watch now.

You will feel sorry about the distance Vikram has come from there.

He was a beauty, a delight, a star, stunning to watch and Mani has done him an Aaditya Pancholi of 90s.

The only good thing is his physique but that too is of no use as he is continuously thrashed by Beera.

Ehhh…. I feel cheated.

Same sister…same loving brother… same police..violence… same revenge but no it was a Mani Ratnam movie, something was to be different.

And that is the end….. Whooooppp

Square, triangle, cone, sphere

Ravan , Ravan everywhere.

And if this was little, here comes ever pathetic Govinda (his new avatar is pathetic for me) to dissipate you.

I am dead.

A very dear friend of mine once said, man Illairaja is a great composer but do not know why idiots get Oscars. I found truth in his words when Rahman got the same for Jai ho.. whatever.

But after this, I am sure. I second you my friend.

Had Rekha Bhardwaj not given her heart and soul to Ranjha Ranjha…….. I would have declared it as the worst album of my life.

But not all was gloomy……

Kudos to Ravi Kishan, you can watch the complete movie for him. So what if he has a very small share on the screen.

And now come the best.

Santosh Sivan, the man who deserve all round of applause. A great work he has done and you will see the Indian Pandora from the eyes of his camera. Stunning cinematography is a thing for which you can really kill your 126 minutes watching Raavan and you will enjoy the locations.

Though I am a very generous at marking, this would be my take (out of 10):

Junior AB- 2

Vikram- 2+2 (for his biceps only)

Aishwarya- 5 (for she is never aging)

Govinda- Can I have negative integers here?

Ravi Kishan- 9 (Excellent dude)

A R Rahman- 4 (Expectations are high from you)

Rensil- 10 (Read it with a minus, you did your worst…. you can not do poor than this,    gurr)

Mani- 2 (Just for his reputation)

Shyam Kaushal- 0 (What action, was there any?)

Sabyasachi Mukherjee- 7 (Created true Raavan, a very nice attempt)

Santosh Sivan- 10 on 10

So, all in all it is one of the perfect examples of poor thinking and even poorer execution.

Watch it if you wish to see Santosh’s hard work.

Watch it if you have no bad blood with Ravi Kishan.

Watch if you too are fed up with India-Sri Lanka cricket matches which are more frequent in offing than you have breakfast (or for the same, I miss).

But yes, that is absolute killing of our 126 minutes… Mrs. Mani, listening?

Are you?

To complete… it is not an epic of good against evil.

The movie is evil, evil and devil.

You may well have a different, even opposite opinion but I can not take such black colored pieces.

Life needs heroes, need Rams and light in life. And even if Raavan, its got to be the brighter side of him.

 On a closing note, Mr. Mani, you almost did a Ramgopal Verma ki Aag (though I’ve only heard about that epic).

Gimme my 126 minutes back, can you?