126 minutes of disappointment...

Things are getting sticky these days. I mean life has slowly metamorphosed to a sandwich. Can not grill it too much, neither can gulp it as such.

It is not even a hunky-dory; it is a stark loose-loose situation.

It was again that after a dozen of bootless hours I went on to put RAAVAN (the movie) on roll. I am not a 75 mm guy and hence have no problem with any number of “Thok de killi” sort of rag and nettles.

Ctrl key you know; I love that.

I have high regards for Mani Ratnam and Gulzar. I was also having lot of hopes from Rensil to repeat another Rang De Basanti after killing us by LUCK. Did anyone see that?

If you ever get a feeling to kill someone brutally please drop a DVD of LUCK in to his/her belongings. Even Samba is not as poisonous as the after affects LUCK will leave.

Anyway, let us keep the past perils aside and come to Raavan, the epic…. Acclaimed.

The film starts with a stone falling from a hilltop which is exactly 4 times the height junior Bachchan has.

Junior AB chased the same but the stone outsmarted him….and did so in the whole movie. Had I known that, I’d have not continued.

Now, with no prejudice and bias I was watching the movie because internally I am OK with Abhishek. He is good if not as good as SRK.

The movie starts from nowhere (most of such storylines starts from same or similar place) but unfortunately end nowhere as well….aaraghghhh

Beera (played by AB) is a messiah or a devil (only Mani knows) in a jungle; A rain forest.

He did absolutely nothing to display that he is a Ravan, I mean the 10 heads and stuff. A very local tribal rouge he looks and plays. Killing a dozen cops bare handed is easier that erasing a pencil written 420 from the collar of your friend’s shirt. Haven’t bollywood movies taught this for years and decades?

What was Ravan like in that? Grover has done this for number of times he has yawned.

Poor stuff Mr. Mani!!!

I am utmost disappointed.

Now coming to the art/acting part.

Why the hell these bollywood people think that acting means making faces, kidnapping girls (for girls it is asking their right to work), living in and saying “bakbakbakbakbak” … ehhh ugly, extremely ugly that is.

AB you were real good, rather wow (as Saif would have said) in Dostana or for that matter in DELHI-6..Masakkali

But this was sheer disappointment… I wont see next two movies of your. That is an intense promise.

(Aish)warya playing Ragini or whatever. I must be pardoned for missing her name as she is the one and only. Ever graceful and gorgeous, she has taken her weak role sort of successfully.

Anyone seen Aparichit/Aparichitadu?

Anyone? Any hands up?

No one…??

Do not watch now.

You will feel sorry about the distance Vikram has come from there.

He was a beauty, a delight, a star, stunning to watch and Mani has done him an Aaditya Pancholi of 90s.

The only good thing is his physique but that too is of no use as he is continuously thrashed by Beera.

Ehhh…. I feel cheated.

Same sister…same loving brother… same police..violence… same revenge but no it was a Mani Ratnam movie, something was to be different.

And that is the end….. Whooooppp

Square, triangle, cone, sphere

Ravan , Ravan everywhere.

And if this was little, here comes ever pathetic Govinda (his new avatar is pathetic for me) to dissipate you.

I am dead.

A very dear friend of mine once said, man Illairaja is a great composer but do not know why idiots get Oscars. I found truth in his words when Rahman got the same for Jai ho.. whatever.

But after this, I am sure. I second you my friend.

Had Rekha Bhardwaj not given her heart and soul to Ranjha Ranjha…….. I would have declared it as the worst album of my life.

But not all was gloomy……

Kudos to Ravi Kishan, you can watch the complete movie for him. So what if he has a very small share on the screen.

And now come the best.

Santosh Sivan, the man who deserve all round of applause. A great work he has done and you will see the Indian Pandora from the eyes of his camera. Stunning cinematography is a thing for which you can really kill your 126 minutes watching Raavan and you will enjoy the locations.

Though I am a very generous at marking, this would be my take (out of 10):

Junior AB- 2

Vikram- 2+2 (for his biceps only)

Aishwarya- 5 (for she is never aging)

Govinda- Can I have negative integers here?

Ravi Kishan- 9 (Excellent dude)

A R Rahman- 4 (Expectations are high from you)

Rensil- 10 (Read it with a minus, you did your worst…. you can not do poor than this,    gurr)

Mani- 2 (Just for his reputation)

Shyam Kaushal- 0 (What action, was there any?)

Sabyasachi Mukherjee- 7 (Created true Raavan, a very nice attempt)

Santosh Sivan- 10 on 10

So, all in all it is one of the perfect examples of poor thinking and even poorer execution.

Watch it if you wish to see Santosh’s hard work.

Watch it if you have no bad blood with Ravi Kishan.

Watch if you too are fed up with India-Sri Lanka cricket matches which are more frequent in offing than you have breakfast (or for the same, I miss).

But yes, that is absolute killing of our 126 minutes… Mrs. Mani, listening?

Are you?

To complete… it is not an epic of good against evil.

The movie is evil, evil and devil.

You may well have a different, even opposite opinion but I can not take such black colored pieces.

Life needs heroes, need Rams and light in life. And even if Raavan, its got to be the brighter side of him.

 On a closing note, Mr. Mani, you almost did a Ramgopal Verma ki Aag (though I’ve only heard about that epic).

Gimme my 126 minutes back, can you?

Thank you Laxman Sylvania

Today I matched Christian Bale.

Ok ok, don’t frown. Drop your eyebrows.

My age matched his waistline in Machinist. Seen the movie?

No!

Don’t see if you are happy with life.

And please help yourself with a DVD/torrent download if you feel otherwise.

It has every plug-ins to detonate your mind.

Anyway, coming back, it’s my birthday today, the day I never laurel. I do not stand antipodal though with any disrespect as well.

It’s just that I do not feel like a star that has done too much. I still have to unhook many knots and the time is running.

Being true to myself, I was never a kid at heart. Let me remember again, naah, nix.

Probably born a bit too ripe, adolescence is a virtue which never palpated me. I was never a fish to be caught.

Still I have some DD memories to share; DD memories mean Memories from DoorDarshan:

Growing through The streets of Malgudi (pardon the usage, Malgudi is not just a place, it is now a way of thinking) from R K Narayanan's novel turn TV serial I dreamt of dhotis and dust. Remember Swami and friends…ta na na nana nanana.

Never ever tasted amul’s milk but was a true amul boy when Siddharth Kak said Amul boy and the background score was “Amul, the taste of Indiaaaaa”

You can enshrine Siddharth Kak, right?

Never seen sanskrutik patrika SURABHI?

Damn, you missed the life, the faith, the divinity of DD and most of all, the beaming smile of ever gorgeous Renuka Shahane. I waited and waited and simply waited to see her say, “Siddharth ji, ab darshakon se vidaa lene ka samay aa gaya hai. To Surabhi ki poori team ki or se NAMASKAAR”.

Opps! That Namaskar! That was simply the best moment of the evening.

Byomkesh babu may not look like Zoro in his attire; he was not a bit too young as well.

His wife wrapped in a traditional Bengali white sari (that too not starched) was not having an engineered body like Aruna Shields. You know Aruna Shields. No? Google for her. PRINCE is of course the Choate movie to miss. No harm if you have not seen it.

But still, Byomkesh babu along with his small handheld torch and background music of crickets chirping was a delight to watch.

I liked my school, and did I Gayatree mantra and Hanuman chalisa but more that that I loved “Mile sur mera tumhara”

Especially Mausami Chaterjee in……….

Toma mora swarer milan srishti kare chalbochatano

I still love this…probably more than Veer loved Zara.

Don’t start blaming me every now and then, I have not read any Romeo-Juliet. I can simply quote bollywood.

And just to watch that, till Jitendra runs in, in white, I always got up early.

Who says TV defaces children?

I loved the kid saying, gaao na didi……….

Ek chidiya, anek chidiya…

For years Duck Tales was an Indian show for me, till I get to know that it is a dubbed product from Disneyland.

Still I hope, if I was Launchpad McQuack, I would have avoided many suffering the Scrooge family had to face.

Though never seen it, I loved counting the never ending number of episodes Swabhimaan aired.

Now there are no more Moglis and Alices. No Shanti at 4 PM, when I returned from school. No one sings Alif lailaa with a couple of extra aaa…….. But you are still there sitting in a corner of my room.

You knew only two colors viz. black and white, still did your best to make me feel green, yellow and pink.

Thanks for being my best friend for longest span. Thank you LAXMAN SYLVANIA.

NOTE: LAXMAN SYLVANIA was the first Black & White TV we owned and it was till then (1988-2009), that I loved TV. No more affection to channels these days. I’ve always been a DD person.

To Her, With Love...........

“Raj! Main tumhare sath nahi aa saktee. Mujhe maaf karna, mujhe Surinder Ji me apna rab dikhta hai” Anushka Sharma from Rab Ne Bana di Jodi was saying this to SRK. I mean Raj.

I’ve seen this movie number of times Jumbo has taken five wickets in an inning. You know Jumbo, right? Anil Kumble.

Leave it; having seen it so many times, I’m almost emotionless at this scene now.

But today, I had nothing to do and this bomb detonated spontaneously in my mind.

I mean Surinder!

It is OK for girls to die for Rajs, Vijays, Rahuls, Aruns, Ajays and Prems but Surinder?

Ehh, how can someone say this?

Hey Tani ji (Anushka), you are too brave to spell this dialogue.

No offence to Surinders and Harvinders but seriously, it is not at all having MACHO.

 There were times when Sulekha/Sulochna and Pyaremohan/Parimal had been the most sought after pairs in the town.

But for the past lifetime (Of course my lifetime) we have never seen such pairs.

Neither on reel nor off it.

I’ve never seen a Raj loosing such combats of love in my entire bollywood/Hollywood/tollywood career. OK, agreed it has been a viewer’s career and that too a pretty small one.

Still I can ingest that but no way from some Surinder.

Till time I loved my name very much and thanked my dad to give me such a manly name.

But looking at this, forget Avinash even Champakbhumia is not a safe word nowadays.

Envisage some pretty voice saying “Champakbhumia, would you please be my fewer half?”

Ehhhhhh…..

By the way, you know what a fewer half mean.

Don’t you?

Any lady over there, please help the poor boy(s).

Can anyone out there please help me in changing my name officially? Don’t worry I’ve decided over it. It’s got to be EUCALYPTUS.

Hopefully that is safe name for a decade.

Thanks Tani ji for opening my eyes, thank you so much for making me cognizant with the latest development in name book at Venus.

With lots of love (of course brotherly) ……. We must clarify this at the earliest these days.

NOTE: If anyone finds any word from this piece as objectionable I’ll pull it off. No hard feelings intended, it is just a bubble of thoughts I moved one of my pages through.